Live, laugh, love decals are to be added to Guernsey prison cells in an effort to quell unruly inmates.
It’s hoped the cutesy decorations will make the cells feel like home and give the prisoners somewhere to feel proud of.
Prison governor, Martine Le Noury, says some of the more agitated prisoners had been writing it on the wall in their own shit.
“I don’t know what it is about prisoners, but they’re never very happy to be inside,” mused Governor Le Noury.
“We tried giving them scatter cushions but they started melting down the polyester covers and fashioning them in to blades and getting all ‘fight-to-the-death’ which doesn’t do our stats any good at all.”
Criminal psychologist, Tim Le Tocq, explained why this sort of thing could help.
“I know when I’m in my cell at night, having a punchy bit of motivational alliteration really takes the edge off getting stabbed,
“Sometimes all you need is a home comfort or two to make things a little easier, but then I’m not an expert in criminal psychology – I was caught operating a practice without a license.”
“That said, getting to sleep in here can get quite tricky anyway. One of the Foulon Boys sings Sarnia Cherie to his bunkmate before they get it on.”
Junior Prison Sprucer, Kelly De la Cruz, is expected to make a trip to B&Q next week to buy the first round of wall stickers.