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Officer arrests self for being fucking creepy bastard

A local police officer has been convicted of being a fucking creepy bastard.

It should perhaps come as no surprise that a Guernsey Police officer doesn’t hold the best character after seeing their target demographic for recruitment.

However, few come close to Stefan Ricardo Forrest, or Stiff Dick Wood as he calls himself on Bebo, who was sentenced to 150 hours community service after breaching the law to find personal details for local women who he stalked while on “the beat”.

After discovering the crimes earlier this year Stephen had to arrest himself which broke out into a twisted fight leaving the culprit bloodied, bruised, and erect.

“It was difficult roughing myself up but that creepy bastard deserved it!

“When I found pictures of my mum in his phone I just lost it.”


Local women are being urged to not panic if a police officer follows them, as Deputy Twat says:

“You can trust people in law enforcement.

“Despite recent dips in public perception, it’s important to note that not all police recruits get into the job to be fucking creeps.

“Some officers have a genuine desire to help people, uphold our sacred laws and keep people safe from their colleagues who, on occasion, will taze you after an argument with the Mrs.”

Forrest will begin serving his slap on the wrist next week.

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