Event organisers have booked Glasgow showcase Willy’s Chocolate Experience for this year’s West Show.
“We loved what we saw, it will fit well within the parish setting,” said organiser Joan De La Co-op Marche, 14
“We made a river of chocolate by adding water to mud,” commented event co-host Martin Craig Route de Sausmarez.
“Any child who agrees to work for us gets free Oompa Loompa face paint and to beat fat children with sticks, in spirit with the original tale.
“To subvert expectations for a modern audience, where everything was edible in the original, now NOTHING is.
“Genuinely, even the sweets are made of urinal cakes and asbestos offcuts. Please do not consume.”
Aslan will be played by Hugh Grant’s stepson’s barber.
Entrants to the rave tent will be offered everlasting chewing gum.
“Certainly is a chocolate experience,” said one moustached visitor, “in that it’s shit.”
“Pardon my French, but the whole thing has turned into a real Hougue Fouque,” organisers admitted.
Please note that any local politicians handing out sweets from their pockets are in no way associated with Willy’s Chocolate Experience and should not be approached.
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