Press "Enter" to skip to content

Muratti spat ends in surprise decapitation at Luna

Muratti rage has carried over from sports clubs to night clubs.

A fight broke out in the early hours of Saturday morning at Luna bar, resulting in the unfortunate decapitation of 23-year-old Jersey girl Decretia Blondel.

Miss Blondel had reportedly gone into the toilets with a young man, who looked sort of like the boyfriend of Luna regular Jills De Carteret.

After a brief discussion, and a realisation that their homelands had held a constant and very important rivalry for generations, chaos ensued.

Hair and nails flying, Miss Blondel managed to drop a light slap on Miss De Carteret, before the latter dislocated her own jaw and bit the former’s head clean off.

“It was bloody brilliant,” declared bouncer Leroi Le Ray.

“Luna’s gone a bit downhill in recent years so it needed something to get it back into the public consciousness,” 12-year-old Vince Gavey added.

“Bitches be trippin’,” Trust admin James Barnaby speculated.

“Top-flight madness it was.

“Couple of birds can’t even disagree over some bro or inter-island politics without it all kicking off and the bar calling last orders.

“Travesty, no joke.”

Luna have enforced tight restrictions to prevent further slaughter on their premises in future, demanding ID from anyone who looks under 16.

Be First to Comment

Shout into the abyss