Guernsey’s bin men will be authorised to conduct dawn raids on houses they suspect of not using the correct stickers on their bins.
The Home Department have said the contractors will be able to remove persons from their beds and transport them to a secure facility at Longue Hougue, where they will be held until £2.50 has been paid for the collection of their rubbish.
After several impassioned pleas from the States, British SO19 sent several Explosive Entry experts over to train our local refuse collectors.
If they cannot accurately determine which black sack belongs to which house, sniffer dogs will be deployed.
Les Vaudin, or Vaudy as his friends call him, says he can’t wait to rough up some locals.
“I wanted to join the police when I was younger but they wouldn’t let me have a gun so I joined Tertiary Waste and Transportation instead.
“Now I get all the fun excess of force and none of the stress,
“I get to kick down doors and shake people down. It’s a win-win for me.”
Mr Vaudin then showed us a recent ill-healed tattoo reading “The wife, the boys, the bins”.
Local accountant, Barry Le Page, has decided early-on he will refuse to sticker his bins.
“Recycling’s a lie, the government’s a joke and the bin men can fuck off.”