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Speed limits reduced further to protect cyclists’ egos

Island speed limits will be reduced down to walking pace in an effort to protect cyclists’ egos.

Deputy Barry Brehaut, the president of Environment and Infrastructure, said he knew of a few cyclists who had become upset by being overtaken by motor cars, rudely reopening the flow of traffic.

“We’ve had a barrage of emails from angry cyclists who are upset about being overtaken so frequently,” explained the deputy.

“They tend to attack in herds and it can be pretty scary, so the safest bet is to just reduce the speed limits island-wide.”

The island’s coast roads will be reduced to 15mph, while inner-island roads will be in the region of 10 mph.

Green activists and motor industry experts have questioned the thinking behind the decision, claiming it will increase Guernsey’s carbon footprint and make everyone late for work.

“As it is it takes me an hour to get from the Bridge to town in rush hour traffic, if everyone’s going at walking pace I might as well walk and that’s not going to happen,” said Sally Corbet – a school run enthusiast.

Horse riders naturally proposed horse riding would solve this problem, as well as any others faced by humankind.

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