A swamp in St Saviours has been cleared of magical creatures, leaving the owner happier than ever.
Dec Ogier, 31, exhausted after years of the constant noise and kerfuffle, set off on a trip to B&Q to purchase a wealth of tools, buckets, plywood and rope, to build traps in order to capture – and ideally slay – the fairytale creatures.
“Most of the weird ones were easy to capture, but there was one little bastard that kept telling me he was a person but he just didn’t sound right.”
Martin Marquis, the ‘little bastard’ in question, spoke to The Guern exclusively.
“Bloody Dec up to his old tricks. I’m a person and have lived next to him for ten years.
“Every few months he puts on war paint and walks into my garden and starts thrashing around at nothing. Then he comes for me.”
Mr Ogier told the Guern he has been given a written warning by authorities and a barrage of hate mail from the GSPCA.