States sign monorail contract, wowed by fictional cartoon salesman

Lyle Lanley, a salesman described as ‘magnetic’ and ‘two dimensional’ rolled into Guernsey last week to meet with States deputies and propose constructing an inter-island monorail.

After a rousing song and no questions about credentials, deputies nodded in enthusiastic agreement of the stranger’s shady project.

The train is said to cost between £1,000 and £100 bazillion.

“Somewhere in that area, yes,” a States rep informed us knowingly.

Mr Lanley explained to the Guern the technical specifications of a multi-billion pound project: “Mono = One and Rail = Rail.”

We had a team of experts confirm these findings.

The train will make a circuit of Guernsey, Jersey, Herm, and Sark every 23 minutes, making KFC lunches a possibility for legions of hungry Guerns.

Petit Train drivers are being called upon to consult due to their advanced knowledge of high-speed locomotion.

Angry at a threat to their business, Condor retroactively fought back by offering laughable service for the past 5 years.