Press "Enter" to skip to content

The Guern uncovers plans to use Herm as migrant processing centre

Tonight The Guern can exclusively reveal the Bailiwick’s top politicians plan to house refugees in Herm, as opposed to allowing them directly into Guernsey.

After a local activist called for Guernsey to be more receptive to taking in those fleeing terrible conditions overseas, it emerged our top political representatives had already begun preparing for such a situation.

Documents seen by our reporter, Maurice Charpentier, show the Seagull Campsite will hold up to 4,000 people in approximately 800 tents.

A government source, who didn’t wish to be named, said the maths would add up ‘in due course’.

“While, on the face of it, 4,000 people in 800 tents may seem a bit of a squish, we’ve run the numbers and it’s no worse than the conditions many in the north of Guernsey suffer every day.

And it can’t be any worse than where they’re running from.”

The anonymous spokesperson reassured us that the people of Guernsey will not have to suffer with the addition of refugees, instead just the people of Herm.

“They may be after our delicious post code but they certainly won’t be getting it – we’ve made it clear that a post code cannot be attributed to tents.

“We don’t expect these people to stay there indefinitely, just for four or five years while we sort out the paperwork and let them on their way.”

An additional 400 tents will be deployed in The Mermaid’s beer garden for any overflow, but these are expected to fill up quickly with summer revellers, hoping to top up the tan on their leathery hides.

“Luckily for them, they can bring in their wealth and benefit from our Bailiwick’s tax incentives, which will be good for both us and them.”

It’s believed the plans could be put into action as swiftly as January next year.

Be First to Comment

Shout into the abyss