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Baby of the Year Awards Results 2022

Judges, parents, and childless freaks gathered at La Mare field for the annual Baby of the Year Awards 2022.

Young children were eyed and paraded about, being measured on their looks, teeth, breeding, and coats.

Ray-Rae Le Ray took the top spot in the male-oriented category, beating out Kieran-Steve Le Jaminouex by a whisker—Le Jaminouex literally being disqualified when judges spotted a whisker protruding from his top lip, dubbed feline.

Le Ray is of quality Aryan Vale stock, resulting in a fashionable upturned muzzle and double-twin rows of teeth. Ray-Rae is named for his father-cousin Ray-Rae Le-Ray-L’eree, who sadly passed this spring when a double date passed covid to four generations of the family. His coat was a fine Creasey’s bomber.

Caine-Chip Bourgaize won the Most Resembling a Pumpkin award, apparently training for months.

The female-infant category was an equally close race between Elisha Salmon-Le Brun and Charcuterie-Mae Le Flem.

Charcuterie took gold after a perfect crawl through the rings.

Salmon-Le Brun’s parents say this loss won’t get her down, although she won’t return next year. They have enrolled her in ballet classes and are prepared to teach her what it means to be a winner at any cost.

However, they may not have to wait that long for reflected glory. Due to the rampant success of this child-on-child brutality, a new competition is being planned for the winter with a substantial cash prize up for grabs.

Kid Game is set to begin filming in September.

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