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Sea levels to rise in no-deal Brexit

Sea levels are set to rise in Guernsey if the UK fails to leave the European Union with a deal.

Climate boffins say sea-level rises are normally negotiated with the European Parliament, however from next Friday this will not be the case.

Professor Henry Torode, who has been recording island sea levels since 1973, said it could see half the island under water within a week.

“Start protecting your homes, move to higher land, seek out shelter,” he explained.

“We’d usually be looking at five centimetres yearly, but since Brexit the climate is turning on us. The sea’s getting angry I can feel it.”

“It’s going to be very, very wet.”

Tom Le Tocq, who recently began a campaign to build a 50 foot sea wall, has reportedly given up and moved to Sark, which is just a giant cliff.

Lucy Rabey has recently started campaigning against climate change.

She says it’s a global conspiracy by the elites to brainwash us into giving them our plastic back.

“You’re an idiot if you believe the climate is changing, there’s not a thread of evidence,” she said.

“Plastic is a natural source that can be used for so many products so they just want it back to make more money on it. It’s a conspiracy of the highest level.”

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