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States approve zero-school system, hunger games to decide future of children

The States have approved controversial deputy Jill Gill-Guille’s proposed legislation to do away with schools for children 12 and above.

Her radical change will instate a zero-school policy, whereby children would leave primary school and be entered into an annual hunger games competition.

Children aged between 12 and 17 would be drawn at random, two from each parish, and placed into a deadly arena to battle to the death.

The triumphant teen would then win glory as well as a goat, and a £1,000 Forest Stores voucher for everyone in their Parish.

“Children need to learn to kill for their food once Brexit comes knocking,” Deputy Gill-Guille told the Guern.

When asked why a Triwizard tournament couldn’t be the answer, Gill-Guille replied that it was an even more dated reference.

Opinions from the public have been mixed.

“I think the deputies should fight to the death and we all eat who’s left,” An earnest pub-goer proposed.

“I don’t see why not,” Bev Le Bevost from Tax opined.

“Jill Gill-Guille mad bitch wandem children to kill,” A Genats resident and rap star calling himself Col’ Porridge added.

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