A group of Elizabeth College lads have had to amend their plans for a spirited game of soggy biscuit that was due to take place in between rowing and rowing.
Tomothy Le Poidevin-Poidevin spoke out earlier this week, saying the world’s worrying over nothing.
“I get tested twice a day like everyone else, whole thing’s a bloody scare tactic,” the Le Poidevin lordling expressed to The Guern in a private interview.
“The whole soggy hazing lark’s been thrown out the window. If you can’t wank off within two meters of your bros, it’s barely worth the show. I couldn’t see a thing.
“It’s obviously not sanitary to actually eat the biscuit during these socially distant times so we chaps do the jizzing and then play rock-paper-cutlass to see whose butler will eat the cumcracker.
“It’s like trying to hit a bloody fox. Only Benjamin and Philipè managed to hit the biscuit, so it didn’t even taste that bad.”
“Benji’s a grower, not a show-er, just like his old man’s investment portfolio!” Tomothy laughed in Tory.
When asked why a group of young, ostensibly straight men would make a game of bodily fluids and snack treats, Tomothy took a philosophical stance.
“This goes so much further than jizz: it’s about brotherhood, having dirt on your broheim and making sure the right people get ahead in life.
“Being gay’s for fags but wanking off in front of a group of future investment bankers, now THAT’S power.”