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Torteval man discovers fire, patent rejected

A Torteval farmer claims to have discovered a new light source that hurts but also warms.

This bright new substance Giles De Garis refers to as Glowpain has revolutionized his life, but destroyed his home.

“Just stumbles ‘pon it when I hit me spade against granite and bright stars appeared,” Mr De Garis explained.

“Soon the hay barn was a mighty roarin’ inferno like the sun’d come t’earth,”

“Took four attempts to keep it alive on the pole-boat so I could take it to town, kept goin’ out due to waves, see,”

“Patent Office says they’d heard of its like before and can’t offer me no rights to its origin or dist’bution,”

“Still, keeps frost off these old fingers et no mistake.”

Mr De Garis still believes his discovery has market value and has plans to post a sample overseas.

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