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The Guern destroyed after April Fools’ pressure causes black hole

The Guern’s offices have been razed to the ground as the collective anxiety of 89 talented journalists opened a black hole on the edge of St Peter Port.

It is thought the sheer weight of expectation placed upon this publication to deliver faker news than ever before on the day of pranks caused the earth to collapse to its very core.

Some wanted to remain on path while others voted to leave the status quo behind and post real actual facts like the BBC sometimes do.

The editor, Quincy De Sausmarez, described the scenes as ‘harrowing and awesome in equal measure’.

“We were trying to decide how to approach the April Fool’s Day conundrum when suddenly the floor gave way and our possessions, ideas, bodies and souls were absorbed into what can only be described as a black hole,” he said.

“What were people expecting of us? Were they expecting the realest of real news, or the fakest of fake?

“Some said real, others said fake – Maurice said we were chasing our tails.

“Then some sort of singularity opened up and we were off to take shorthand notes on what the face of our universe looks like.

“Hell of a Monday, truly.”

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