The Guern

Crime

Officer arrests self for being fucking creepy bastard

By Cordelia Elizabeth Gaudion-Grut

A local police officer has been convicted of being a fucking creepy bastard. It should...

As world reviews police militarization, Guernsey Police release fascist propaganda video

By Quincy De Sausmarez

As nations across the planet review police brutality, militarisation and politically-motivated action, Guernsey Police have...

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Stolen joggers still haunting Guernsey’s only detective

By Maurice Charpentier

Guernsey Police are working tirelessly in pursuit of a thief described as dangerous and bipedal....

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The Arts

Island’s agricultural shows in doubt after giant tomato mishap

By Maurice Charpentier

The island’s vegetable growers have been dealt a devastating blow during this year’s competitive season. It comes after one local horticulturalist grew a tomato so...

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Puffin&Sons Media launch BailiFlicks streaming service

By Maurice Charpentier

Local media startup Puffin&Sons have announced a new localised streaming service, known as BailiFlicks. The app, which will soon be available on app stores locally,...

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Guern Guide: 10 Scenes That Prepared Us For Lockdown

By Guy Gaudion

The idea of lockdown is tough for a Guern. Being indoors all day is a new phenomenon for a lot of us. As islanders, we’re...

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Torteval Scarecrow Festival ruined by scared crow

By Ozzy Ozanne

A scared crow has horrified festival goers as he razed the annual scarecrow festival to the ground. Untold damage was caused when the errant bird...

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Air display utterly ruined by Jersey-shaped cloud

By Ozzy Ozanne

A cloud in the shape of Jersey invaded Guernsey airspace yesterday, ruining the air show for many. Gleeful spectators raised their chins to the heavens,...

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The States has approved the building of a casino on Herm in a bid to boost its popularity. Previously known as a destination for pre-drinking,…

News

The Guern uncovers plans to use Herm as migrant processing centre

By Cordelia Elizabeth Gaudion-Grut

Tonight The Guern can exclusively reveal the Bailiwick's top politicians plan to house refugees in Herm, as opposed to allowing them directly into Guernsey. After...

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As world reviews police militarization, Guernsey Police release fascist propaganda video

By Quincy De Sausmarez

As nations across the planet review police brutality, militarisation and politically-motivated action, Guernsey Police have released a gun-toting, taser-crackling recruitment video in a determined crime...

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Farmer learns other farmer’s name not Shag after thirty years of friendship

By Maurice Charpentier

A Torteval farmer has had a 'nasty surprise'. After thirty years of friendship, farmer 'Bud' De Garis was shocked when neighbouring farmer Jim Queripel innocently...

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Science

Island’s agricultural shows in doubt after giant tomato mishap

By Maurice Charpentier on August 12, 2020

The island’s vegetable growers have been dealt a devastating blow during this year’s competitive season. It comes after one local horticulturalist grew a tomato so...

Mt. Washmore: Coronavirus heroes immortalised in stone at reservoir

By Cordelia Elizabeth Gaudion-Grut on June 12, 2020

Guernsey has recognised those who guided the island through the Coronavirus storm with a permanent monument in their honour. Dr Nicola Brink and deputies Gavin...

Casino to open on Herm